Persuasive Conversations in Seven STEPs

As an elected county official, how important is it for you to be able to persuade people in one-on-one conversations?

When I asked this question of the people who attended last month’s NACo Legislative Conference, the general response was not surprising — it’s extremely important.

Your success as an elected county official depends on your ability to persuade the individual people you interact with — be they fellow county officials, your staff or your constituents — in a way that creates positive and productive relationships.

The less you are able to do this, the less chance you have to be effective in your job and move your political agenda forward — not to mention get re-elected.

In persuasive communication, the key skill is adapting the way you communicate with each individual. The good news is you can learn this skill — and it’s a skill you can always improve.

Here’s my 7-Step process for persuasive conversations …

STEP 1

Believe you can succeed.

This is especially important if you’ve become frustrated in not being able to persuade a specific person of something. Shift your mindset and recommit to succeeding. If you don’t, then your subconscious will do its best to undermine you.

STEP 2

Let go of your ego.

If you see the other person as your enemy — that you are right and they are wrong — you’re creating a wall. Let go of your need to be right and you’ll create space for open sharing of ideas.

STEP 3

Engage your empathy and compassion.

The other person is a full, real human being. They have struggles just like you do.

Without empathy and compassion for them — and for their point of view — it’s going to be hard for them to lower defenses, and really hear and consider what you’re trying to say. If you attack, they’ll defend.

STEP 4

Get clear on your objective.

What exactly is it that you want to persuade them of? Do you want them to change their attitude towards something? Adopt a particular point of view? Take a specific action?

Whatever it is, if you’re not clear on your objective going into the conversation, you’re not likely to get the outcome you want.

STEP 5

Know the person’s communication needs, motivations.

This is the biggest piece of the process, one that can’t be fully conveyed in this article.

My DISC-Based Communication Strategies eBook fully explains how to effectively adapt your communication style for different types of people. Just send an email to the address at the end of the article and I’ll be happy to send it to you at no charge.

STEP 6

Have the conversation.

Now it’s time to trust your preparation and be completely present with the other person.

The key here is not to retreat into your own head, just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say what you want to say next.

To have an effective conversation, you also have to adapt the way you communicate during the conversation — and not just to what they’re saying.

Their body language and tone of voice will tell you a lot. Are they following what you’re saying or do they seem confused? Do they seem open and relaxed or closed and tense? Do they seem connected to you or disconnected? Engaged or shutting down?

However they react, you have to be attentive to, and respond to, their cues.

STEP 7

Reflect.

Reflection is an essential part of learning and development.

As soon after the conversation as possible — and definitely before you go to bed that night — you need to take some quiet, focused time — even it’s just five or 10 minutes — to reflect on the conversation.

Were you successful in persuading the person? If so, why? If not, why not?

And here’s an important point to remember: you can’t always expect to persuade the person completely in one conversation. If you can just move the ball down the field, then that’s a win — that’s progress.

Now plan out the next conversation you need to have with this person. Take what happened in this one and learn from it. I’d encourage you to keep a written journal.

Final Thought.

Remember, being able to skillfully adapt your communication style to the other person is what it takes to persuade them — and to create and maintain a positive and productive relationship at the same time.

As an elected official, perhaps no other skill is more important.