Leadership Edge - Sept. 19, 2016

Easing Workplace Stress as Easy as 1,2,3

Barbara is whining that Frank isn’t pulling his weight; Bob is barking at Dave for not coming in on time and all emotions will blow a gasket in that meeting room if one more person yells, fusses or utters another negative word that interrupts the meeting.

Workplace stress from other people can be rampant and seems to spread faster than a viral YouTube video, but just how does one deal with these difficult people? 

One doesn’t deal, but rather takes actions to Make Difficult People Disappear, a popular book on eliminating workplace stress. Inside are powerful antidotes to the disease of contagious negativity, stress and conflict at the office and yes, even county meetings.

Here are three quick ways to implement ideas that when used regularly, reduce stress and conflict effectively, even when one’s magic wand seems to be in the shop.

1. Implement Rewards and Consequences

People do what they get paid attention or rewarded for doing. When a leader listens and adds their negative commentary to a stressful conversation, that leader is actually rewarding and reinforcing the sharing of negativity. If Bob’s bark is much worse than his bite, Dave learns and is trained to tolerate the barking and keep doing what he’s been doing.

If nothing is done about Frank’s shirking of the workload, Frank will continue his actions and Barbara, who may even be the manager, will eventually tire and leave.

And than there’s Jack who complains at every meeting, never providing any relevant solution. Not only do people do that for which they are given positive reinforcement, such as an audience for Jack’s ranting. In the absence of compelling rewards and consequences, they will do whatever is easiest. Many leaders, though well meaning, miss this mark.

Remember Sheldon who taught Penny to change, using chocolates, in one episode of The Big Bang Theory. It works, even when one’s efforts might be obvious to others. Implement motivating rewards and enforceable consequences to un-train and reduce stressful behaviors.

 

2. Increase Awareness

While most know intellectually that all do not communicate the same, our awareness of those differences or the lack thereof, creates conflict. Raise awareness by helping all understand the distinct styles and motivations of their colleagues. A citizen, who is motivated by “getting things done” — referred to in the book as a “Commander” — will communicate much more in bullet form, with an emphasis and preference for immediate action, results and efficiency.

An employee who is more laid back, easy going, focused on the needs of team members and skilled in empathy, is referred to as a “Relater.” They are motivated by “getting along with others,” complete strangers to conflict and will not be focused on efficiency, but effectiveness of team member inclusivity and engagement.

While both provide immeasurable value to the team, their communication style couldn’t be farther apart and more readily misunderstood by both. This creates a need and powerful benefit in greater awareness, then acceptance, of differences.

 

3. Align Expectations

With a raised awareness comes a shift in expectations of the behavior of others. Without it, people exist expecting others to behave in just the same way with just the same needs and expectations.

It’s as if looking at a German shepherd expecting it to act like a Jack Russell and then getting mad at the small dog for not acting all big and regal. The same occurs when we label a colleague as difficult and continue to expect them to act in way that is colored with sunshine and roses.

 How we expect others to behave guides our reactions and yet it is one’s personal expectations that have set this up, not the other party’s actions.

For example, in Make Difficult People Disappear, one employee is expected to fully analyze a situation, gather all data and assimilate it into a methodical formula, and act as an “Organizer.” But this same person finds it more important to light up a room, focus on a positive and social environment, inspire or demonstrate spontaneous creativity, and be what is referred to as an “Entertainer.” These misaligned expectations will cause frustration.

Conflict occurs when we demand and expect others to behave in a way that is natural to one, but perhaps not for the other. Making difficult people disappear isn’t about magic really, it’s about mindset.

Those we work with who create conflict are often not being difficult, but are truly different in their approach. Yet, if one labels someone as a jerk and then is frustrated when he acts accordingly, where might this problem begin exactly. With a raised awareness, more rewards and consequences, and an aligned and shared set of expectations, the stress and ensuing conflict effectively vanishes…even in the face of missing mastered skills in magic.